Dust and Raindrops and Sunshine and Twirling
by Camilla Faye Montgomery
Summary: By Kate: I know, stupid title. Read it anyway, please. Mac and Harm have many angsty thoughts about their non-relationship, then change it. Sad beginning, Happy ending. Please R/R.


**Dust and Raindrops and Sunshine and Twirling**  
By, Camilla Faye Montgomery  


  
Written by Kate.  
  
Rated: This one's PG.  
  
Summary: Hard to summarize. Harm and Mac realize that they love each other and live happily ever after. Not all happy and fluffy, except when it is. Please read and review. I really want to know if its any good, or terrible, or just mediocre.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG. I also don't own Portrait of Jennie (see Where did this story come from? at the bottom of the page).  
  
The story:  
  
What was different about this day? Nothing. He'd woken up this morning, gotten dressed, driven to work, the same as any other day. The world was just as he had left it the night before. The sky was still there, the trees, the roads, the people. Nothing had changed. And yet, he felt a difference. Was it he that had changed? He studied his reflection in a window as he passed. He looked the same. There was something, though. He couldn't place it, but something was different. Was it as simple as a flower dying halfway across the world? Some subtle change in the ocean's tides commencing a long and barely connected chain of events that like a row of dominoes had made its way to him? He didn't know. He didn't really care. He realized that today he didn't really care about anything. Why should he? There was nothing to care about. Nothing except....  
  
Aha, there it was. There she was. The reason for his discontentment with the world, with life. She sat in her office, unconscious of his gaze, shuffling through a pile of papers. And he knew what it was that had changed. Nothing. Nothing had changed between them, not really. They were caught in time, unwilling to move forward, unwilling to go back. Stuck in an eternal and safe _friendship. _He was done. Sick of all their back and forth, bantering, sniping, caring, hurting. He loved her, that he knew, but he just couldn't do this anymore. They came into this office, day after day, and worked together, talked together, ignoring or barely concealing their feelings. What were they doing? Idiots, that's what they were. Why were they afraid to be together? To belong to each other. To say the words that were on the tips of their tongues and in the backs of their minds, always. _I love her_, he told himself, _and I know she loves me. So what are we doing here? Why are we living like this?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
_Some unknown force prompted her to look up from her paperwork. She saw him, outside the glass and halfway across the room. He stood deep in thought, perfectly still, staring straight at her. Confused, she watched the subtle shadows of emotion play across his features. Too subtle for her to decipher. Was he thinking about her? Or did he just happen to fix his gaze in her direction as he thought of something else, someone else? He looked angry now, more angry than she had ever seen him. Had she done something to him? What hadn't she done to him, and he to her? Suddenly, she saw, as if in a movie, all the years that they had known each other, all of the amazing experiences and adventures that they had shared, how incredible their lives were. How impossible it was that they had survived so many dangerous situations, that they were alive today. _There must be a reason that we're not lying under six feet of earth and grass and stone right now._ _Why in the world would we be right here, right now, if we weren't supposed to be? Was it written in some book of destiny by a divine hand before there was even time, that at this moment, we would be here, looking at each other?_   
  
She looked down at the keyboard on her computer. On the right side of the space bar, there was a spot about an inch long that was worn smoother than the rest. So many times she had pressed a thumb, or one of her fingers down upon the surface of the key. Each time meant nothing. But added together...in another year, or a hundred, maybe the intermittent pressure of her flesh on the spacebar would wear it down to nothing, to dust. She was dust. He was dust. Wait a million years and no one would know or care who they were, what they did. Why a million? Wait a hundred and it would maybe be the same. Who would remember them? Not their children. They'd never have any if they continued like this. Or would they? Maybe in a year they'd have a baby like they had promised. What did that promise mean? There had been no talk of love, of marriage, of being a family. Just a baby. An insurance policy. Would they have the child and just continue as they were? Friends. They loved....yes they loved each other, and yet they couldn't, they didn't...  
  
She looked up again and he was still there. His eyes returned from a million miles away to meet hers. He looked at her for half a moment, different than before. His mind was with him, not far away like it had been. And then he broke their gaze, turned abruptly and fled. That was the only word for it. He was running away from her. She didn't think about what she would say, what she would do when she caught up with him; she just stood up, opened her office door, and walked steadily after him. She was aware of everyone else watching her, wondering, but she didn't care. What did they matter? What were they? Only dust, just like her.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
He stood beneath the overhang at the front of the building, leaning against one of the black metal posts that held it up. The rain cascaded from the roof line like a curtain, an impassable barrier between the relative safety of the overhang and the wild, unpredictable outside world. He heard the door open behind him, but didn't turn around. Abandoning the support of the pillar, he stood straight, facing the rain.  
  
She came to stand beside him, facing the rain as well. The rain was safe. She pursed her lips, as if about to say something, then opened her mouth to speak. No sound escaped her lips. She stood like that for a few moments, a puzzled and disturbed expression on her face. Then she closed her mouth.  
  
he cleared his throat. The sound was strange, unnatural after the silence. He looked straight ahead. he started.  
  
The soft swish of the opening door started both of them. A man exited the building and leaned against the wall. He took a cigarette out of his pocket and tried repeatedly to light a slightly damp match. Do either of you have a light? he asked.  
  
They didn't turn, didn't say anything, only shook their heads almost in unison. The man seemed to realize that he was interrupting something, and moved off to find another place for his cigarette break.  
  
When the the retreating smoker's footsteps had faded away, and the falling rain was the only sound to be heard once again, he spoke.  
  
This is stupid, Mac. He still faced the rain.  
  
What is? She didn't turn her head, but focused her vision on a tree, wet with rain.  
  
Us, the way things have gotten between us. He couldn't look at her.  
  
Nothing's happened between us. Raindrops fell from the leaves of the tree.  
  
That's the problem. His voice was grim.  
  
I know. She took a deep breath.  
  
You do? There was a glimmer of hope in his voice.  
  
Yes Harm. The raindrops fell from the leaves much more slowly now. The rain had lightened.  
  
He turned to face her; she still faced the rain. She was shivering.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As she gazed at the tree, with its drops of rain dripping to the ground, she felt something cover her shoulders. His coat. Funny, she hadn't even known she was cold until he had tried to warm her. Why were they acting like this? Why were they wasting their time with tense conversations? She loved him. He loved her. They weren't going to live forever.  
  
She turned to face him. Looked into his eyes. She looked until she saw what she wanted. It was there. He loved her too, she knew it. _Time to take a chance, Mac. You're not going to live forever_, she told herself. _Do it, Mac!_ She did it.   
  
Her eyes were wide and her smile dazzling as she moved towards him. Two little steps, that's all it took. She reached up and touched his cheek. His eyes held her captive in a voluntary prison. She couldn't look away, didn't want to look away. Her arms found their way around his shoulders, and she leaned into him. He was strong, he would support her, she didn't need anyone else, anything else. All she needed was him. Now was the part that took the courage, that she couldn't ever take back. But she knew she wouldn't need to. Her face tilted, she raised herself on her toes and her lips moved slowly, slowly towards his.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He didn't move. Didn't do anything. This had to be her. If he kissed her first, or even moved closer to her, then it would be his decision. He wanted to know absolutely, without a doubt, that this was what she wanted. So he stayed where he was, didn't move an inch, only looked into her eyes and tried to tell her that way how much he loved her.   
  
Still she moved closer. Their faces were only millimeters apart. He could feel her soft breath blow over his face, giving him goose bumps. Her eyelashes fluttered and then came to rest as she closed her eyes. She couldn't see him anymore.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She couldn't see him anymore, but she could feel him, sense him. Oh, how she loved him! She was an idiot not to do this before. Finally, her lips met his. She felt him put his arms around her, pull her closer.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He put his arms around her and pulled her close. She had done it, she had kissed him! He kissed her back, kissed her as he had never kissed anyone, as he had only dreamed a kiss could be. And they were one, for a moment in time, they were together forever. Time meant nothing to them, they weren't for a second, or a minute, or an hour, they just were. The rain continued to fall lightly beyond the overhang, the world went on. Everywhere people walked and talked and drove and worked and did everything they always have and always will, without knowing, without feeling the magic that was happening in front of the JAG building under an overhang that shed a curtain of rain. These people didn't see the water hitting the ground, slowly, imperceptibly wearing a line in the concrete. Turning it to dust.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The rain stopped, the sky cleared, the sun shined over them. Their lips parted, but they stayed wrapped in each other's arms as they stepped out from under the overhang and onto the rain soaked grass.   
  
Did I ever tell you I love you? he asked.  
  
I don't remember, she teased, Tell me now  
  
I love you. He kissed her lightly.  
  
I love you, she echoed, I wish that we could be together forever.  
  
Won't we?  
  
I don't know. I can't know. All I can do is wish.  
  
I wish we'll be together forever! She called out to the sky as she twirled around three times.  
  
His arms caught her when she nearly fell over.  
  
Oops, got little dizzy, she grinned at him and her smiling face reflected in his eyes.  
  
What were you doing?   
  
Well, you have to twirl three times to make it come true  
  
Of course He lifted her off the ground and into his arms. Twirling with her three times, he yelled, I wish we'll be together forever! Then he stumbled and they fell to the grass heavily, laughing with joy.   
  
She leaned over him, looked into his eyes and said, We will.   
  
The End  
  
(A/N) Where did this story come from?: Its basically a few ideas that came together. First of all, I got really annoyed with Harm and Mac for not getting together already. Then I was watching that episode where Harm is defending the female officer accused of harassing her male subordinate, and Mac is prosecuting. There was this really good scene where they're talking (arguing, whatever) and rain is falling and they stand next to each other but not facing each other. And I thought that if they ever had a serious conversation, that's the way to do it. And so that's how it started. Then tonight, I saw this movie on TV, Portrait of Jennie, and that's where the twirling came from. Oh, and the space bar thing: while I was writing, I looked down and saw that my space bar was worn. So I put it in.   
  
Finished 2:48am, July 13, 2003. (Goodnight)  
  
P.S. I know that it is no longer July 13. It took me a little while to post this because I'm shy.  
  
Thanks for reading. Please review!


End file.
